what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
