So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
