Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my being single is dangerous.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
