FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
