Do you still have your period?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
