I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize