guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
