Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
