I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
