and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
