I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
