He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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