She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
