Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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