So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.