Texts From Last Night

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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.

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  (306): No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes. http://tfl.nu/ocj3
  Replies (23) Good night (5762) Bad night (3422)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"

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  (862): he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!" http://tfl.nu/rt63
  Replies (15) Good night (5325) Bad night (1588)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!

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  (901): Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train! http://tfl.nu/ural
  Replies (6) Good night (2083) Bad night (801)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine

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  (517): He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine http://tfl.nu/n0tq
  Replies (20) Good night (5708) Bad night (1167)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours

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  (419): You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours http://tfl.nu/i7uw
  Replies (2) Good night (2197) Bad night (784)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.

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  (763): Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always. http://tfl.nu/ugs1
  Replies (11) Good night (2287) Bad night (963)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.

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  (713): His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life. http://tfl.nu/34re
  Replies (12) Good night (3734) Bad night (747)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.

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  (719): Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss. http://tfl.nu/q2y0
  Replies (14) Good night (2199) Bad night (698)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.

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  (803): All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning. http://tfl.nu/8h0t
  Replies (5) Good night (663) Bad night (1100)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.

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  (209): I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow. http://tfl.nu/kya1
  Replies (1) Good night (1355) Bad night (510)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.

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  (503): Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting. http://tfl.nu/qfm2
  Replies (1) Good night (537) Bad night (917)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?

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  (678): Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella? http://tfl.nu/jjvm
  Replies (7) Good night (1501) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.

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  (314): I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle. http://tfl.nu/q65f
  Replies (3) Good night (541) Bad night (347)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.

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  (724): No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face. http://tfl.nu/bjr7
  Replies (2) Good night (667) Bad night (401)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off

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  (610): girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off http://tfl.nu/612p
  Replies (2) Good night (193) Bad night (432)

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