Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.