Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
