We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
