I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
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She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
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Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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