don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
