Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
