so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
