but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
