who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize