I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
