I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
