I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
This beer is not sobering me up at all
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
