Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
