im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
