Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
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Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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