i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
