you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
