If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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