How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
