Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
