She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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