I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
