actually, I'm a sock model
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
