I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
