We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
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There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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