yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
