we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
