I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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