Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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