If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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