like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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