Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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