I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
