i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
