Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
