I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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