I need help removing her.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
