I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
