I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
