You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize