Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
