I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
