do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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