Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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