...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize