Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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