Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
