I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
