its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
birth control should be required to get into college
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
