its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
