remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
