I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
