You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
