So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
