I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
