Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
