so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
