I'm jealous of your bromance
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
