You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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