are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
