pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
this is an emotional support booty call
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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