she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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