Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You may now shotgun with the bride
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
