I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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