Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
