Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
