i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
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Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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