this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The Olympian is in my bed
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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