So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
