I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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