Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
