Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
