MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
